A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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