I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
