Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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