This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
