I'm eating all of the evidence.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
