So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
