her vagine was all disorganized.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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