Someone shit on the floor
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
