Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
