it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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