where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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