Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
