I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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