I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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