She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
