Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
