so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He better not be in your backpack
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize