Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You're so nebulous sometimes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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