just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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