Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize