I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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