These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
