i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's always time for handjobs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
