So drunk its hurt
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
