nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
