somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize