Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
