i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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