I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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