I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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