proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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