walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
