we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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