i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
