We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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