Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
