it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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