I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
