I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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