i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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