Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
