Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
