so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
