Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
