someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
