I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
