How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
