my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
