whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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