you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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