you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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