I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
