No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
