Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
