I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
