I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
