it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
