the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
