if you like me you must not know who I am
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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