i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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