I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
