I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
barbara walters just said penis...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
