when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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