Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
