you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
