Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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