Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize