make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
