i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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