Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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