Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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