the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
