There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
