addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
