Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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