You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
