Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Found your dick twin last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
