On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
