I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
